TMI

Nursing school is amazing because it means I get to become an RN at the end, which is my passion in life. It is also awesome because I get to learn all about health and be super informed to educate myself and my patients. It has been empowering understanding the pathophysiology behind my gene, which really is what prompted me to see a breast specialist last year.

The bad thing about being in nursing school during this process is that sometimes I get wayyyy too much information. Like during a lecture about pain management when they use a mastectomy as an example of an extremely painful surgery. But, for every scary bit of information I learn in school, I learn about 100 useful ones, which is very empowering. Even if it is a bit frightening, knowledge is power!

Flippin Out

Recently, I’ve started getting anxious about aspects of the surgery and overwhelmed with trying to prepare for the mastectomy, finishing all my schoolwork early, working 12-hour rotations, and trying to get everything in order. Even with my super supportive husband, friends, and family – it is a lot to handle. I’m going to start listening to my mindfulness CDs soon and my surgeon said I could even listen to them on my way into the operating room. Luckily, this is my last week of two days in a row 12-hour shifts, so I can have some more free time to get things in order and chillax. Meanwhile, I’ll just watch this video of some Bichons in Indonesia to calm me down.

Surgery Decision

I’ve been talking for a little while about trying to decide between the 1 and 2 step mastectomies. Obvi, one surgery is better than two. Also, the expanders apparently feel super hard like the Mean Girls mom and they can be really uncomfortable like you have cement basketballs inside you for months. After doing tons of research and talking to people who had both 1 and 2 step, I was ready to meet with my reconstructive surgeon today and discuss both options in depth. In the end, I am still going with the 2-step tissue expander option for surgery, despite is being a longer process and adding an additional surgery to the mix. The reasons for this are:

meangirls1. My skin and nipples have a better chance of a good outcome with the two step process

2. My chest wall is wide, so I need a larger implant to fill it in once all my tissue is ripped out removed, and it would be too traumatic on the skin to do in one stage

3. A lot of one steps result in a second surgery anyway because of how they heal, and my wide chest wall signals that could be the case

4. The implant I want isn’t possible with one-step. I like this brand (Mentor) because they are made in the U.S. and every person I’ve seen that has the results I like the most has them.

So, the moral of the story is – do your research, be prepared with questions, and have an open mind.

Meditation Part Deux

I went to my second meditation class today. It was super relaxing and a lot easier this week since I knew what to expect. I fell asleep again and a friend came with me today, which was nice. Tomorrow, Adam and I meet with my reconstructive surgeon to discuss the direct to implant surgery. After talking to more and more people who have had the direct to implant surgery, I would way rather do that than the 2 step. The 2 step works great for a lot of people, but I keep hearing how uncomfortable the tissue expanders are. For me, having cement basketballs in my chest for months doesn’t work well, since I’ll be doing clinical rotations during that time. I’ll keep everyone posted about the outcome of my appointment tomorrow, but cross your fingers for me!

W is for Waffle

Yesterday marked 1 month until my nipple delay, so I’m really going to start eating clean and working out more. I’m also going to cut out caffeine but I’ll realistically probably start that the week before since I have 12-hour shifts and school going on. So this weekend is kind of a food bonanza since I’ll start clean eating on Monday. This morning, Adam and I went to an awesome waffle joint and I had gluten free fried chicken and waffles. It was so good! I balanced that out with a rebounder class.

A rebounder is basically like a mini-trampoline that is an awesome workout. NASA says that 10 minutes on a rebounder = 30 minutes of running. Plus, it helps drain your lymphatic system, which will be really good before my surgery. I’m even thinking of buying one for the house to use it daily before my mastectomy. Hopefully I won’t look like this.

Encouragement

Through one of my online BRCA communities, I got in touch with a woman who was about to have a prophylactic mastectomy with my surgeon. I reached out to her to hear about how the nipple delay procedure went. The nipple delay is a procedure (with a really weird name) that my breast surgeon does, and I am pretty sure she is one of the few surgeons in the country who does it. The nipple delay is a surgery performed 1 week before the mastectomy, where my surgeon makes the same incision she will make during the mastectomy, separates the skin from the tissue, changes the blood supply, and gets a nipple biopsy for pathology.

There are two main reasons for this. 1- This way we know before the mastectomy that the nipple (fingers crossed) has no pre-cancerous cells, so I can keep my nipples. 2 – The mastectomy changes the blood supply to the nipple from the pec muscle to the sternum, so doing the delay starts this process a week earlier, making the mastectomy a little less traumatic on the body than it already is.

So… back to earlier this week… I had brunch with my new friend who had the nipple delay about a week ago. I am SO happy I met with her. She is awesome and was super encouraging about my decision and we had a lot in common (in addition to our funky genes). She also let me know more details about the delay, I thought it was a small procedure, but she said it took 2.5 hours. She also made me even more confident in my surgeon when she showed me her incisions, which were barely visible. She was also not very bruised. It also made me realize how lucky I am to live in LA. She flew in to go to my surgeon, has to stay at a hotel for weeks, and then fly back here every week for follow-ups and tissue expansions. It was also lucky we met because now I can come help her with her recovery and drainage tubes, which gross a lot of people out, but not me. 🙂

My new friend had her mastectomy today, so please send good thoughts her way.

Inspiration

I just worked two 12-hour shifts and came home pretty tired. I had a moment of feeling overwhelmed about my surgery and being a patient in the hospital rather than a nursing student. So, it was perfect timing that a friend sent me an email with this inspirational picture, saying that she was thinking of me.

inspiration

Meditation

After my workout today, I decided to try out a meditation class at the gym. I deliberately placed my mat near the door so I could sneak out without anyone noticing if I got bored. Surprisingly, I really liked it. The time went by quickly and I even fell asleep toward the end of the class. I’ll definitely be going to the class again weekly before surgery to help clear my mind and practice mindfulness.