I’ve been pretty much doing nothing but studying for finals and schoolwork, plus wondering about what will end up happening with my surgery next week. I was totally exhausted late Tuesday night and got a message from my surgeon about the daily pics I send her of my stitches, and she said there was an area she was concerned about. So I ended up crying on the couch. I usually stay pretty calm, cool, and collected – but it was actually a great release to get it all out. It’s rough enough studying so much, so I guess adding uncertainty about my surgery was the final puzzle piece to make me have my cry sesh. Oh, and drains. I now know 100% I’ll have drains at least on the left side because of the skin repair they have to do. Drains are definitely not fun. Adam helped me get through my crying by comforting me, and of course using humor, which is the best medicine. We were joking about how if I only have one drain we can treat it like fashion – it can be my statement drain. I also watched Vanderpump Rules which made me feel better about my life and then we watched The Little Couple, which always makes me happy.
I told myself (out loud in the car – anyone driving next to me probably thought I was crazy) that I can do this, I can handle this. I passed my two lab finals and knocked out another final, NCLEX prep exam, presentation, and a group paper today. Two more presentations tomorrow, an NCLEX prep exam and two more finals on Monday, and I’m all done with school for this quarter! All the school stuff is actually a welcome distraction from thinking about my surgery.
The good news is that today, my surgeon said the latest pic I sent looked good and things are looking sturdy. I’ve made peace with whatever the outcome is during surgery. If I need to have one more surgery at a later point so things can heal on the left side, I am okay with it and completely trust my surgeon’s judgement. Hopefully Tuesday’s surgery will be the last one, and if not – yes, I’ll be bummed. But all of this is still wayyyyyy better than having breast cancer. 2015 will be the first year since 2009 that I haven’t had to get a mammogram and breast MRI, which I’m really happy about. Especially when I have the mammograms where they call me back in to do an ultrasound to take a closer look at something. So, I still have no regrets and am thinking positive about the surgery!
ps – for those of you who haven’t seen The Little Couple, here’s one example of why it makes me so happy